Words of Wisdom to my younger self.

Whether it’s a drunk night out with friends or reminiscing with family I bet at some point in your life you have been asked the question, ‘So what advice would you give to your younger self?’, and after watching Joe Wicks The Body Coach insta-story today about a letter he wrote to his 25 year old self on a podcast with Holly Tucker and it got me thinking… what would I say to my former self?

‘One day you will be older, which means less collagen and more wrinkles. It means more fat as your speedy metabolism slows down with age; well, that will be the excuse you will use when you bin the tailoring for all things lycra. The truth of the matter is you eventually learnt to drive and chose driving over walking 200 meters and ate way too many carbs, despite the dietary choices you will be much wiser and give far less f**ks about most things in general and that in itself is entirely liberating. You will look back at old photos of your younger self and wonder why the hell you had so much self-loathing but you will continually struggle with your hair! Hair will defeat you so embrace it early on, and don’t ever allow the way you look to become the battering ram for other people to bash you with. If they do, remember this says more about them than you!  Very briefly, and because I am a grown up (sometimes) and have very little time to waste on people that mean so little to me that I wouldn’t even flush them! To all you weedy little limp dicked bully bastards at my secondary school that called me ‘gorilla girl’ and made my school life a misery, I hope the fleas of a thousand camels crawled in to your arse and your arms were too short to scratch it. I hope at some point in your life someone called you out on being an arsehole and that in turn made you into a better person.

Life will be an emotional ride,  you’ll experience pain and heartache and all the name calling and bullying will seem like nothing in comparison but you will come out of it the other side, stronger albeit a little bit broken, just like a shattered vase that’s been glued back together, it still fulfills its purpose in life but it’s never quite the same. But just know, you’ll be alright as long as you keep talking. Talking is life’s free medicine, choose your ears wisely!

Don’t chase love, lust, friendships or companionship. Those things ARE important but should be organically grown from a place of confidence and knowing your worth. When you understand your worth you become like ‘bees to honey’. People will be drawn to you for ALL the right reasons. Not because you’ve paid them in kind, kindness, fags or snow. Don’t get me wrong being confident and knowing your worth is not AAA; Armour Against Arseholes! You’ll still meet, snog and sleep with a few of them along the way, but trust me if you build that stability from the bottom up, build yourself, layer by layer from the feet up into a confident, strong and uniquely independent woman, in time you’ll be able to spot the arseholes a mile off.

When your young you’re in a race with yourself to get to 16, 18, 21 as quickly as possible, so much so you prematurely loose your innocence. Be young, dream big and be a child with ambitious dreams, be a kid that won’t pick dandelions in case you wet the bed a few years longer. When your older you’ll be clawing back those years you wished away. You can’t race time, time is not promised it’s a gift that comes with an expiry date and none of us know how long we have been gifted.

Spend more time with your family. That time is precious time, you won’t think that at 11,12,13 or even 16 years old but remember I am you, a few years later with my own children, grasping on by my fingertips to the last stages of childhood and wishing they could see what I see, and know what I know now. Family time is where the memories are made, kept and treasured and where you will always be unconditionally accepted as YOU without even trying!

Laugh hard at all the shit, take no shit, don’t talk shit. Don’t be a twat, don’t sleep with twats. Hold on to your V-Plates like you will ‘hold on’ to the words of ‘THAT’ Wilson Philips song, hold on to your virginity like you hold onto the hope that ‘Oasis’ may reform and that ‘Heather Shimmer’ comes back into fashion and always remember to count to 10 it will save you…being punched in the face!’

See you in future. Wiser, fatter, and giving less fucks!

 

 

 

 

 

Perfect…or not?

A message for my children: I am not perfect, and I am OK with that. Please don’t live a life searching for perfection it’s unrealistic and makes you feel like a piece of dog shite. Perfect is not factual, it is what the onlooker deems it to be – its ambiguous, everybody’s perfect will differ.  I am OK with not being perfect to anyone else, and so should you be, because I, as are you, are perfect to me (I know that sounds like a song! And I bet you sang that bit…)

I am like the WONKY vegetables being sold in the supermarkets and farm shops, with one tit bigger than the other, a few crooked teeth, and a little rough around the edges.

Embrace the wonkiness it will keep you grounded.

 I mean just because you buy a wonky carrot it doesn’t taste any different.

More so than ever we seem to be living in a world of photo shopped fakery, filters and lies. We have created a fake ass world making it impossible for you to aspire to. So, in simple terms, DON’T!

You are, and always will be ‘perfect’ to me.

Remember it’s not about what you wear. Be a boy in a dress, a girl in a suit, be a hippy, a boho goddess or emo, wear what you want but always wear a smile on your face, be happy and wear that proudly because being a ‘Helena Bonham Carter in a world of Kardashians’ or being a ‘Superhero in a class of Princesses’ is a path I crave to see more of. You don’t need to dress to impress anyone but you! You don’t need to follow the crowd.

We all come in different shapes and sizes. Guess what? That’s OK too. Long legs, little legs, hairy legs. Big hair, no hair, ankles or cankles. Big boobs, no boobs, limp or firm (handshake; of course) AND we have all got rolls, some of us just have a few more than others. Even the ever-ready six-pack gang will have a roll, granted, it’s a mini roll as opposed to a sub-roll, but it’s a roll all the same.

If you want the ABS, work for the ABS they don’t come for free. Equally if you want the cake, eat the cake because you’ve earnt it but be-warned you’ve probably got my metabolism so you’ll own a muffin or two if you eat ALL the cake.  That’s OK with me and it should be OK with you. Life is short if you want to eat the cake then buy the bigger dress or do a few extra burpees, because at the end of the day we all take comfort from different things at different times. Sometimes it will be chocolate and wine other times it will be ……. probably more wine but it’s about balance and making sensible choices, every choice you make will have a consequence.

Sometimes we will want to blend in, but my advice to you would be to never just fit in, especially just to blend into the crowd. Be a voice, be heard, don’t be scared to have an opinion, have it, own it and speak it respectfully as you don’t need to shout. It’s not always those with the loudest voice that is heard, it’s those with the wisest words, executed well, so stay educated!

Love every part of your body, it will serve you if you care for it. Your feet will walk you to places that you cannot drive to, your eyes will see both pain and infinite beauty, look further then you can see because the further you look the more clarity you will have. Your heart will beat, it will also break and that will hurt, it will be a pain that’s indescribable with words alone but you will feel it, however that doesn’t mean live a life so fearful of this heartbreak you don’t live at all. Our arms will hold people near, embrace the people you love unconditionally, a hug can help heal your broken heart so don’t be averse to the human touch! Your hands will write words, words that you didn’t know you even felt if you can connect them with soul. Your tongue will be your biggest problem, as it is mine, tame it, reign it in, somethings are better left unsaid. The tongue has no bones, but believe me it is strong enough to break a thousand hearts. I’m not saying be silent. I am saying speak freely and as you wish, always speak the truth but except that sometimes the truth hurts. Your mouth will feed you, so feed it well, remember you are what you eat. Choose more wonky carrots and a little less cake. Fat jokes aren’t funny when you’re the brunt of them. Your head will cloud your judgement from time to time so follow your gut, that intuitive feeling is never wrong. Your mind, now that’s a fucking powerful tool, but like all tools they need oiling. Oil it with love, you owe yourself the love you so freely give to others. Self-care will change your mindset which should never be underestimated, if you tell your mind you can do it, then you will. Tell it you can’t then you won’t.

You are only what you tell yourself. With that in mind.

SAY IT WITH ME.

I AM PERFECT – TO ME!

 

 

 

 

Grief and Mental Health

I read a post titled ‘Grief isn’t your Mental Health’! Whilst I agree with the factual aspect of that statement. I think it’s a little condescending to someone who maybe on the roller-coaster of grief right now. I’m not sure I would have reached out if I had read it.

Alcoholism and substance abuse isn’t your mental health – it’s addiction. Exhaustion isn’t your mental health it is an emotional state of being.

BUT … Alcoholism, substance abuse, exhaustion, and many other types of illnesses, these things ALL have an DIRECT CONTRIBUTING EFFECT on our mental health yet aren’t your mental health! Mental Health is your psychological and emotional well-being, it effects how we think, feel and act. Its a side effect of a deeper rooted cause.

Grief is something that can effect this, grief is a massively unpredictable emotion, its more of a sickening rollercoaster ride you can’t get off! I actually thought I was going mad when I was grieving!! I didn’t recognise myself, I became so detached from myself and my children. I felt trapped, suffocated and I felt stupid for feeling like this especially once I had reached that one year point! After a year everyone around you thinks you should be OVER IT, everyone else has moved on while your still in your deep dark pit of grief!

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it, there is no time limit on grief, it’s ruthless, it cares not about time and cares even less about the grieved. At the end of the day, grief is a trauma, an emotional and mental trauma and if you broke your arm or leg, you’d go and visit a doctor. If you metaphorically break your heart, who fixes that! It’s not like a typical medical condition that you’d go and see a doctor for.

I went through some of the darkest times of my entire life when I was grieving. Despairingly dark at times. I felt so alone, I felt guilty, I felt complete self loathing, I felt angry and I drank  alcohol and took drugs to mask the pain, an irrational conclusion that it would make me feel better, or ‘NOT’ to ‘feel’ is more appropriate. They wore off? The come down and hangover kicked in and the cycle repeated itself. It was a vicious circle. I was self medicating and I didn’t know who to reach out too, or even if I should and if I did would I even be taken seriously.

I mean there are people out there that contemplate suicide after bereavement, not directly because someone has died and they are grieving for the person they’ve lost, but because grief has effected their mental state of health. It’s important people are helped to navigate their emotions and find solace, acceptance and peace with their loss. Helped to deal with their anger associated with loosing someone they held dear or maybe even heavily relied on.

One of the main problems I have found is people don’t know where to go to access bereavement facilities, people don’t know how to open the right doors to the right avenues to exorcise the ghosts and I think a contributing factor to this brick wall effect is grief being ‘downgraded’ because of it being an emotive state. Emotions are clearly important, its what effects your metal health at the end of the day so taking care of your emotional well-being is massively important to aid and maintain your mental health.

So no … grief isn’t your mental health – per se! BUT it sure as hell effects your mental health! If your grieving and feel like I did, DON’T be alone, google ‘bereavement help’, talk to a neighbour, a friend even your doctor. A few words is all that is needed to open up options and possible solutions, with-holding anger, hurt or pain, steal your energy and keep you from love.

However … THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION.

Yoga-tastic….. Who even am I?

I’ve been regularly ‘working out’ for a while now, and that still feels a little odd saying that in a sentence, given that I am ‘that girl’ that would arm wrestle for shot of tequila and then run home via the kebab house!

I’m still not particularly fond of this new activity, however I’m beginning to feel and see the benefits and I’m really enjoying the feeling of accomplishment after I’ve smashed it! It’s not quite euphoric yet, but it’s certainly releasing something (aswell as excess wind and wee) that’s got me wanting to repeat the torturous process the next day!

Well the daily HIIT activity seems to have taken its toll on my aging bod, and I have hurt myself! Being a little shy of forty and trying to shove my arse straight into Joe Wicks takes it toll!

Quick rephrase there, just to clarify that ‘INTO Joe Wicks’ ‘HIIT sessions’ and not literally shoving my arse into the actual real life human ‘Joe Wicks!’

I’m an ‘all or nothing’ kinda a girl so I went for it big time, high knees, jump squats, squat thrusts, and burpees – and tell me? Why are they called that? I’d love an explanation if someone could enlighten me? I have thought about this for some time and I believe it’s because you burp and pee a lot whilst trying to do these at high speed!

I’m working hard at getting toned and trim, but it’s not easy! So after I hurt myself I decided to look for a yoga version of Joe! I did find it…. on instagram @thestrengthtemple. Something I could do gently, while allowing myself to heal! Some free online DIY YouTube videos and some healthy tips and advice – you know what I’m on about right!?

Why yoga?? Well! I wanted to continue exercising while I’m resting my creaky bones and aching muscles from the high impact shit that Joe does, less ‘flaps on fire’ and more ‘carve your core’

The more I read about the benefits from doing yoga, I have to admit it had me wondering why I didn’t start this years ago! You know, when my knees didn’t crack when going to sit down on the toilet.

I really ‘need‘ some in-tuned breathing in my life, being a mum of four I spend a lot of my time panting and breathing very loudly or hyperventilating as I watch a child narrowly dodge a collision with a bus on a balance bike because she’s throwing a wobbler over wearing the wrong type of itchy knickers!

I really ‘need‘ a solitary 20 minutes to regain mental clarity…. just imagine 20 minutes alone! With me, myself and I. Just to, to just…. just to be …. ME!

Who even am I!? …. I find women and mothers often spend so long dedicating their lives to other people and their children that they loose themselves along the way!

I want to be strong, I’ve always wanted to be strong! I’ve lusted after women with girl muscles …. I want to be able to do 20 chin ups, which to be fair I could do before I got fat, and I really want to have an ass so strong I could crack walnuts between my butt cheeks!! Now that’s gonna take a shit load of squats!

I want to be toned and most of all I want to turn my ‘play doh’ belly into a washboard…

Well that’s the dream… the reality would be to be a size 10 and not have my joints hurt!

So working with the latter I’m wishing I spent more time joining in with Mr Motivator and not bunking PE at school just to go for sneaky spliff to keep in with the ‘IT‘ crowd!

This recent research and enlightening insight into yoga has got me really excited. Yet again in traditional ‘Kelly’ style, my ‘all or nothing’ attitude is in full swing and I switch on the Amazon Fire Stick and scroll through various yoga-mentaries obviously skipping all the beginner ones, because clearly I can Cat, Cow and Pigeon as good as the 10yr experienced, slender and toned, six packed woman demonstrating it! I fast forward to a position I thought would challenge me a little …

It didn’t go so well.

I head butted my own knees, fell on the floor and I’m pretty sure I wet myself. I am so glad I do this sort of dumb shit at home, rewinding the yoga-mentary right back to the beginning and starting there ….just like all the normal people do. Who knew you could actually sweat by DOING YOGA!

Anyhow, while I work out ways to keep my underboob dry I’ll be sure to update you on my firefly and king pigeon pose!

Book review of ‘How to Keep Safe’…

Has your child ever feared fire, vast amounts of water, heights?

If they were subjected to any of the above, would they know what to do?  I mean, if Little Billy accidentally started a fire messing around with grampys cigar lighter, what would he do??

If Mini Susan becomes a ‘Lazy Susan’ and got her head in a spin and went and got herself lost, what would she do?

You see, I have a child that does exactly this … she’s the type of child that wander’s off while your having your melons sized up. Only to be found making friends with the mannequin in the shop window. Having been discovered by the security guard that was alerted of a missing child in the lingerie aisle. Your heart is pounding through the walls of your chest and a lump the size of a tennis ball is in your throat, making it difficult to breath or speak as the thoughts of your missing child run through your mind on a horrific flip reel.

It’s a fear we mentally don’t visit because the reality is too terrifying.

There are so many scenarios our children come up against daily that could put them in danger, and it’s our job as their ‘safe keepers’ to keep them safe! The best way to do this is to educate them. Helping to prevent fear and panic but instilling the necessary skills and tools they can use if ever they are faced with danger or get their spongey selves into a tricky pickle of a situation.

So; I’ve been reading the book ‘How to Keep Safe’  by Jo Fitzgerald with my children. She is the founder of Tiny Sponges Ltd and is an early years teacher, in particular she teaches wellbeing and resilience skills to children between the ages of 4-9. The book she has wrote is called ‘How to Keep Safe…. In a sometimes scary world’ and is aimed at this age group. Jo has successfully self-published this book and most importantly it has been launched by ‘Waterstones’.

It’s a thought  provoking book with simple illustrations that encourages conversation while enjoying reading time.

I liked the way the significant words are capitilised to highlight their emphasis around that specific sentence, and I especially like the parent conversation prompts at the back of the book. These really help you to open up those conversations and chat openly with your child getting those discussions bubbling.

This book is a parent and child guide to help young children deal with potentially worrying and dangerous situations.

As parents we think that we can protect our children from anything, We want THAT ‘cape’!

BUT the sad fact is, we can’t!

These ‘Tiny Sponges’ grow, and as they get older the less control we have over where they go and the friends they keep. So fully immerse those sponges and hydrate the mind from an early age with the fundamental basics of knowing about

The WHAT’s! The WHY’s! The WHEN’s! and of course…..The PLAN!

In the words of Jo Fitzgerald. ‘The chances are it will never happen, NEVER’.

BUT…

IF IT DOES … you’ll know what to do.

For £10.99 you’ll find Jo’s Book here….

Find Tiny Sponges Website here and soak up her knowledge.

This link takes you to page where you can view informative videos including, Jo, herself introducing her book, videos about getting lost, house fires, and terrorist attacks. You can even sign up for a useful eBook for FREE!!!

Thanks for reading ….

Just That Girl…. Kelly xoxo

Are we Prudes or Nudes?

Are we prudes or nudes.

Is it OK to be naked in front of your kids?

On GMTV the other morning Marina Fogel and Jessica Cunningham debated about whether it is ok to be naked in front of your kids… I immediately thought this is absurd! Of course, it’s OK!

In case you wondered I am in ‘TEAM NUDE’, like it or loath it, I agree with Marina I think it’s massively important to not make your body into something to be ashamed of, I shower with my bathroom door open, I often have a quick pee with the door unlocked (marginally because I have a fear of being locked in a small confined space), I get changed openly and if they point or ask a question about my voluptuousness – I answer it, openly and honestly…

Everywhere you go there is photo shopped perfection, every cover of every magazine is portraying a fake faultlessness of male and female celebrities with smooth unpimpled figures, slim tanned bodies without scarring or cellulite, strikingly beautiful figurines of fame are rammed down our throats, making the most confident of people feel inferior to such excellence.

Long term; I believe the effects from this will be far more damaging then catching a glimpse of your mums arse crack in shower, and long term this portrayal of unrealistic appearances is detrimental to the younger generations of growing girls and boys out there!

They look at themselves in the mirror and see that they have excess hair, wobbly bellies, wonky unequal boobs and irregular shaped bollocks!! What do they want to do… CHANGE IT! Because its not what they think everybody else looks like. Seeing their mother or father walking around innocently in their home naked is perfectly natural and it shouldn’t be seen in any other way. My daughters and son have commented on my belly being like playdoh, they have asked if I have more babies in my belly, they have asked me why I have a big fat bum!

All comments I reply to them with the REAL LIFE answer…

I BLAME THEM ….. ( I am joking ) All jokes aside, the real life answer to my play dough, big bum and belly is way too much cake and not enough exercise! They know I am OK with this! They also know I can change this with a healthy balanced diet and a Davina McColl DVD.

Whilst I am happy to be nude in front of my kids, please don’t think I am flaunting myself and encouraging them to do the same. That on a Sunday’s we cook and eat roast chicken and stuffing balls; butt naked!!! We don’t – because that’s just weird!

I wholeheartedly believe in educating children when it’s age appropriate about boundaries and when its appropriate and not appropriate to be naked and share all your glory, teaching them about what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t. We teach our children to cross the road safely when they are old enough to understand the dangers of the road, it is only right we teach them about sexual abuse when they are old enough to understand the dangers of the WORLD.

Going to Barry’s after school and sucking up your spag bol naked at the table – NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Being invited to play at Mary’s house and playing naked Twister with her mum and dad – NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Being touched inappropriately without being asked – NOT ACCEPTABLE!

Taking a shower at home and not closing the door, walking from the shower to the cupboard on the landing to get your towel in your birthday suit!! That’s 100% OK with me and with-in the boundaries I have set within my family unit.

Whether you are TEAM NUDE or TEAM COVERUP, its more than nudity it’s about APPROPRIATE EDUCATION!

Ever heard of PANTS …. might be worth checking it out!

Recipe of a happy life

Do you feel lost? Have you lost perspective?

This is my guide, I’ve wrote 10 elements I believe should be applied to everyone’s lives to allow clarity and direction.

1. TRAVEL THE WORLD We are all blessed to live on earth. It’s enormous and we are a dot in this huge world. See as much of it as you possibly can. Climb mountains, walk in the oceans, and eat weird shit, meet new people and soak up cultures. Don’t stay stagnant!

2. TREAT YOURSELF Every month, buy an item of clothing or a book! Buy that luxury bar of chocolate and gift it yourself, whatever it is make sure you know you that you bought it for you because your worth it and you deserve it. All too often we forget to allow ourselves treats.

3. REVIEW YOUR TRAJECTORY Close your eyes and where do you see yourself in 10 years. Properly submerge your mind and think hard about the path you are following and where will that take you in 10 years if you keep walking it. The great things about paths is they can change their course of direction so if you don’t like the path your following you can change it. Our lives are passing through time so quickly, constantly colliding and the dynamics continue to change. “Change,” isn’t a bad thing when we learn to accept it and embrace it, change can make the rest of our lives better. Review your trajectory with an open mind.

4. DO FUN SHIT! Do fun things, run, jump, hop skip and jump in puddles. Don’t become so uptight that you loose the inner child and become so self aware that you forget to have fun. Fun is a critical component to this recipe.

5. HAVE ALONE TIME Time of solace is so important. Being alone allows time to reflect and reflection is necessary. Time spent with the ocean is in my opinion one of the most powerfully refreshing and aligning exercises ever. To be stood at the oceans edge and look out to sea. Respect it’s power, understand it’s mass, it gives you perspective. Breath in and out deeply, and listen to the ocean it will clear your senses and refresh your mind.

6. SELF LOVE Every day when you look at your reflection. Don’t apply hate to your curves, take that moment to love them. You are you, and you are your own sort of perfect and that includes the freckles, curves and untamed hair. If you can’t look at yourself and ‘like’ what you see, how can you expect others to like you and how will you live a life that’s truly content and happy when your self hating the one thing that encapsulates everything that makes your life possible!

7. BE HEALTHY This is simple but it’s not easy. This takes planning and often willpower. If you eat shit you’ll feel shit! Eat well, feel great. Fast food, wine and take aways are indeed delicious but feed your busy body the fruits and vegetable of the earth, liken this activity to fuelling your car, you wouldn’t put petrol in a diesel car! Why, because it won’t work properly and it’s the same reasons why being healthy will on benefit your life and body.

8. FIND AND SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LIKEMINDED PEOPLE. Surrounding yourself with people that uplift you and inspire you. Likeminded people create positivity and optimism. Don’t allow the ‘drains’ that suck you in to a spiral of pessimism and negativity be prominent in your lives.

9. DON’T PROCRASTINATE Procrastination is the biggest time waster, and when you begin to look at your life like an hourglass and the sand is representing of your lifespan, you’ll stop procrastinating!

10. LAUGH EVERYDAY laughing releases endorphins that are good for your soul, to live a life without laughter you may as well of never lived at all. Find things that make you happy, do them and laugh out loud. Laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends, laugh so hard that tears of laughter fall down your legs. Don’t be so serious about everything in life that you become a boring old fart!

I hope you took something from this, apply this and live the life you deserve.

Wonderpants? Wonder Why?

Did I do the obligatory ‘national stand in front of the door’ photo … NO… Nope and NO…

Do you want to know why?

Well I don’t like conforming and if I’m honest I didn’t get their hair cut so frankly they look a little rough around the edges … Toby is actually almost rocking a ‘Liam Gallagher’ style without his swag… Toby has his own ‘swag’ but it’s juvenile and Bambi like as he is still trying to navigate his own personal space as his arms and legs have grown but is body is slightly disproportionate while it catches up with the growth spurt!

If I’m honest after six weeks of summer it’s a struggle to get four kids up, dressed, preened and fed without having to round them up in line by the front door and to smile and say cheese. I salute all that manage it, because I, openly and honestly still flit between ‘Super Mum’ or ‘wondermum’ sticking to the current theme, and ‘Wondermum’ is super organised with a military check list and a regimental routine to ‘wonder what the fuck I’m doing mum’!

I stroll into school this morning feeling nervous for my three little soldiers, I’m sad to be three down from my Cavalry. I’m sweaty, I suffer from obvious facial sweating which I put down to my hormones crying. Im a little frantic and pulling at my ‘wonderfit‘ jeans, they are supposed to make me look slim and basically FIT to my curvaceous doughy mummy figure, I didn’t think I’d need a f*cking belt!!

Well ‘WONDERfully‘ they start offering my ‘builders butt’ to all the other mums looking at me and still wondering who the hell I am …

Im still the newbie in a new town in a new county, I’m still the new mum that no one knows. I’m still that mum that smiles widely and says hello and gets the half smile and the odd nod back…

Tell me? Is connecting with new people like tasting new foods?? You got try it twelve times before you know if you like it or not?? … just a thought!!!

My kids are still the new kids BUT at least the kids have that kid like mentality that welcomes new faces.

Kids smile at new friends.

Kids say ‘HI! what’s your name?’

Kids say ‘hey I like your pencil can I have it?’

Kids say ‘Do you wanna play?’

….or they stick out their tongue and say ‘you smell go away’ …

It’s called communication, it’s grounds to strike up a conversation and be given a chance to convince the other kids you don’t smell, and that you just didn’t wash that morning, that you can share your new snazzy pencil, and proudly tell them your name is Kelly and yes you do want to play!

Why, as adults does it become alien to do this… I conclude that adults are weird … adults are reserved and wary, adults have forgotten their inner child.

My three kids embark on another year at school in years 6,5, and 2. In their new school where friendships are still fragile and they look back at you with that ‘deer in the headlights’ glare.. but I am confident they will come home having made new friends, I am confident a child somewhere would have reached out and helped relieve the nerves and took them under their wing.

I will pick them up this afternoon with a belt in my ‘wonderfit‘ jeans to prevent any more unwelcomed nudity in case that’s the reason behind the ‘odd nods’ and I will continue to smile and say hello loud and proud, because that’s me, that’s who I am.

I’m a shameless mum of four that swears and eats cake, and occasionally pees her pants when on a trampoline or in a fit of laughter. I’m a confident woman in her own skin with stretch marks and a big ass, with a big heart to match.

I don’t need friends, but do I want some ?? Hell yeah… we can never have enough friends right? I’ve also not forgotten what it’s like to be new somewhere, I’ve not forgotten my INNERCHILD!

Wherever you are, it would be good to remember that a friendly ‘Hello’ could mean the world to someone. It could be a new friend, or a lost soul, a fragile human looking for kindness OR it could be your child starting their new class with their new friends.

My mantra has always been, and will always be ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ I don’t think you can go far wrong with that attitude to life.

Have a great day everyone – If you can be anything in life, be kind.

Share and make the world a kinder place.

This headline is gobsmacking …

This headline is gobsmacking …

Toddler is made to smoke a cigarette and drink a glass of beer as two Romanian adults laugh and tell him: ‘This is what being a man is all about!’

 

I am shocked to the core; whilst reading a news article I stumble across this shocking headline. It’s shocking on two levels, the obvious one is clearly the abuse and neglect passed on to the toddler as he in encouraged to drink and smoke like an adult, and secondly the sexist quote implying this behaviour makes him a MAN…

This is clearly unacceptable behaviour by anyone’s standards, but what have we become if we can walk by and allow this to happen to an innocent child? 

I know by reading the report that this incident happened in a Spanish Café but whether this incident happened in Spain, UK or timbuck-fricking-too, making a toddler smoke a cigarette is beyond appalling and there should be repercussions and the person responsible made accountable.

It is assumed that one of the men was the father to the toddler, I hope the culprits are found and prosecuted, I hope they are made entirely responsible for their ghastly behaviour. In fact, I hope they look further in to this child’s home life because if they think it is socially acceptable to allow a toddler to drink beer and smoke cigarettes then I wonder what else they think is ‘good parenting’, I mean, is he rolling his own joints and knocking back Jägermeister shots after his egg and soldiers in the morning?

“This is what being a man is all about” is the quote at the end of the headline which to me is  just as disturbing.

I am a mother to a son, and it is really important to me that he understands that a man is not defined by how many cigarettes he smokes, nor how many beers he can drink.

I will teach my son….

1. To be polite: ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You’ are so very easy to say and are not used enough, manners cost nothing but mean everything.

2. Take responsibility for your actions: Being proud of your achievements and your actions require an amount of confidence that comes with age and one of the hardest lessons in life is accepting with ‘grace’ when you are wrong.

3. Be Kind: Don’t ever be a bully and don’t ever start fights, be kind to others and treat others the way you want to be treated and if someone punches you; then, and only then you have my permission to let rip with the ‘choke slam’ and ‘RKO’ that you learnt when you were 7 watching WWE on YouTube.

4. Get and education: Whether you become a plumber or an accountant, a market trader or city banker, a wealthy man or wanker, I will love you. Trust me though, when I say education is important. It isn’t JUST paper. You will need this. So be educated, you get one attempt of life so collect all the tools along your way to make life the adventure it should be.

5. How to treat a woman: “Don’t do anything with a girl that you wouldn’t want someone to do to your own sisters”. Boys can learn a lot from their fathers and male role models so if they see Daddy doing good, then the apple shouldn’t fall to far from the tree, so give love and receive love, be respectful and be gentlemanly, because it’s worth the effort, chivalry will never die. Remember that forever is a long time to be without a partner in life!

6. Independence: How to cook more than just ‘beans on toast’ or ‘eggy bread’, how to and clean (mainly so he can clean his own pee from around the toilet, teaching him to clean is far easier than teaching him how to aim, his father is 37 and still struggles with this skill, I keep telling them both to ‘stand closer, because its shorter than you think’ …..but more importantly these skills will make him desirable not dependable to the opposite sex …

7. Save Money: Don’t assume that the bank of Mum and Dad will continually reimburse your pockets. Work hard and play hard but understand the value of money. It requires the optimum respect. Money can’t buy you happiness but it can make your life much much easier.

8. Don’t be afraid to cry: Crying is OK, I mean don’t overdo the whole crying thing but it is OK. Understanding and expressing your emotion is imperative to your mental health, you’re not a sissy if you cry, no-one worth having in your life will judge you for sharing your emotions, so trust me when I say it really is OK to have a bit of a sob at the end of a movie (preferably not Junglebook or OneDay, something slightly more worthy of teary moment). Don’t suppress your emotion… In the words of Elsa ‘LET IT GO’

9. How not to be an asshole: If you can adhere to the top 10 basic ‘boy to man’ skills you shouldn’t fall into asshole category, so speak up, be proud, lead don’t follow, don’t be afraid to be different, and Perlease don’t call girls ‘bitches’ or ‘beavers’, don’t bully, don’t steal and generally don’t be a prick!

10. Be healthy: Stay as healthy as you can, eat well and exercise frequently as this good for the mind, body and the soul, and because you can run faster when your frame is smaller, enabling you to run from your enemies (hopefully there are not many). Don’t smoke because it really does, turn your teeth yellow, make your breath smell and rot your lungs, drink with caution because it doesn’t make you funnier, nor does it make you a better dancer.

Most importantly discover what it means to YOU to be a MAN but I know for sure that you will know without me telling you that it doesn’t and will never mean supplying your child with cigarettes and alcohol…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3279449/Toddler-smoke-cigarette-drink-glass-beer-two-Romanian-adults-laugh-tell-man-about.html#ixzz3p37EAtA2

A life lesson….

Its tough out there, it really is a ‘cut throat’ world for the ‘up and coming’, the ‘apprentices’, the ‘just qualified’, the ‘under graduates’.

Gone are the days where life experience used to count for something, because if it did, I wouldn’t be in this predicament, I have life experience, shit loads of it, because without sounding all Frank Sinatra I really did do it my way.

Unfortunately, I was that child growing up that rebelled against society and thought that I knew best, I bummed out of school without a qualification to my name, because of course, that’s what you did when you were a stroppy 15 year old making a point!

I started that paragraph with ‘unfortunately’ and I say this loosely because, its not unfortunate, I am what I am because of the choices and decisions I have made along my path of life, be them good or bad decisions, albeit, they were all my choices.

The only thing that’s unfortunate is that the managers and bosses and the high flying business owners with degrees and Hons, and endless letters after their names, look at people for what they have done in college or university, and the amount of certificates in their National Record of Achievement, their not judged or graded on an individual basis, if you don’t tick all the boxes the computer literally shreds your CV in and spits out a toilet roll. I am not saying that this should always be adhered to, clearly if the job is for an accountant you need some sort of clarification your not employing “Tasty Tim, Nice but Dim” who can talk the talk but cant add up for toffee… but there are many professions where life skills can be brought to the table, where personality and drive should be taken into consideration, with the right support anyone can learn how to work a computer or use machinery if they are being shown correctly by a fellow caring human, and most importantly they are in a job they want to be in, being given an opportunity.

I bummed out of school, skived with the ‘big kids’, smoked ‘silk cut’ stolen from dads fag packet and covered the holes with a rizla from the boy smoking a joint next to me, I shoplifted alcopops and ‘Exclamation’ perfume to sell at the street value of ‘eighth of squidgy black’, I messed around with Indian ink and rusty sewing needles, I got drunk on my dads homebrew and had cat fights in the street, why? ….all to look cool amongst my peers, to not be bullied again, to not be the victim, but honestly what the f*** was I thinking …

I was longing to fit in, and be somebody in a crowd of nobodies…

Little did I realise or little did I care that education actually meant anything at all…

I was great at playing the hard done by brat, the prodigal adolescent that blamed everyone for everything, and my older me is pretty sure I was not the only kid that had a bumpy upbringing, but teenage hormones told me different!

So by now you would have understood that I was what is commonly known by today’s society as a ‘Hoody’ but without the hood and more thick black gel eyeliner than Alice Cooper, dreadlocks like a young Lauren Hill, which although I really love, they really don’t look that cool being modelled by a pale white girl from a small market farm town where hay-styles are more hip then hairstyles …

So I guess my style was kinda ‘killing me softly’ ….

I mean, I’ve done alright for myself ‘on a wing and prayer’, I’ve used my assets, but after nurturing 4 beautiful children even they have been downgraded, from a remarkable pert C cup, graded A+  by anyone’s standard, but now; well let me put it this way, if I took my bra off I would burn my nipples in my coffee…

Its 2015, I’m a 35 year old mum of 4, no educational status to boast about, but a sob story and whole heap of life lessons, so what can I do with this? I want to help others, I want to help others when times are tough, I want to give back, what was given to me when my path became like an off roading drag race between the Stig and Evel Knievel.

When life took me by the juggler and I needed the help to find the inner courage from within, I found counselling, as a last attempt to salvage what was left of the life that I was destroying. It helped. It helped me see things from a different perspective and gradually I began rebuilding myself.

So If I could do for someone what counselling has done for me, then that’s what I would like to do! The only trouble with that is that 15 year old dreadlocked, pilfering, pale-faced prodigal kid  from the 1990’s has come back to haunt me…

I didn’t get thoses GCSE’s, nor did I get that degree ….

I didn’t get those letters after my name….. Well not the ones I wanted… and I am sure B.I.T.C.H doesn’t stand for Beautiful, Intelligent, Totally, Clever, Housewife…

Mindful not to sound like a patronising thirty something, a small brief message to all the kids on the block and the dudes talking street to their baes, before getting turnt up, before you swerve outta school to hang wid ya hommies on da street, you wanna make sure your grades are ‘on fleek’ because all the OMG, LOL, WTF and LMFAO aint gonna get you no god damn muvva f**king job brah!!!

(for a bit of background visit 3littlestars.wordpress.com)